silent night

Hi Everyone,

Happy Christmas and a Merry new year!

I just wanted to share a few about the Lord with you.  A lot of the time I have trouble sleeping, and I know one of the reasons for that is my wild imagination. Sometimes it leads me down the wrong path but sometimes I can imagine things that help me sleep.  I find that what helps me most is when I remember I am in His holy presence. I am at the feet of Jesus, before His thrown. Though the silence He assures me of His abundant love for me and of His gracious mercy, He reminds me He has conquered the world and all of it’s troubles.  I respond by gratefully giving Him the body mind/ heart/soul He made me and the life He gave me to serve my Master.  Then I can rest peacefully for He is trustworthy and deserving of eternal glory.  It’s like I am resting on an alter to the lord, a living sacrifice of love and worship.  My loyal satisfaction comforts me.

In the church where I grew up the youth group often went on a mission trip to Mexico. I always wanted to go but couldn’t. Now years later I get to go on a mission trip to Mexico.   I never expected it. 

God is so awesome! 

Will you praise the Lord with me? 

Personal Revolution

How many of my readers love Winnie the Pooh? Pooh bear had a thinking place, a place where he would go think…think…think of something. While in my thinking place I remembered that I can serve the Lord by serving others. That means anyone I meet I should treat with love.  Including family, friends, acquaintances and enemies.  To the best of my ability regardless how I feel.  Lately I’ve been so stuck up, I’ve been complaining about the world’s problems as if I could solve them. The world is greatly flawed but I want to leave the world to its Almighty Creator! I feel like such a selfish fool, I wish God was standing right in front of me so I could collapse at His feet in utter guilt and submissive surrender.  I long to serve God, and I realize that to do that I need to serve others and God will free my mind from selfish thoughts; I know my soul will feel so much better.

I relate to these Lyrics by Charlie Peacock 

In his song “Personal Revolution"

Jesus, if you came to give life abundantly, then how do you respond to all the pretense that you see?
Do I break your heart by all the faking that I do?
There are so many places I haven't let you into.

I'm so tired of all these easy solutions,
I can't stand it; they're nothing but denial,
I think I need a personal revolution,
How can I expect the heart to sing when I don't let the soul ever feel anything?

It's like pain and pleasure walking hand in hand, like a clown in makeup laughing,
You might never read their face, but buried in their soul is a dark and painful place.


Whatever the pain, today it's just as real,
We don't talk about it, we don't trust, and we don't feel,
Are we so afraid, if our soul was ever known, nobody would love us, we'd be rejected and all alone?

If we continue to pretend, the pain will never end,
To pretend that we are fine is a trick of the mind,
Do I turn my back on God when I speak honestly?
Though I'm quick admit the problem is me - that's right.

I'm so tired of all these easy solutions,
I can't stand it; they're nothing but denial,
I think I need a personal revolution,
How can I expect the heart to sing when I don't let the soul ever feel anything?
When I push the pain down and I hide it away, I'm storing up trouble for another day.

Personal...personal revolution,
Do we want to...do we want to live this way anymore?
Personal...personal revolution,
There's a change... there's a change a-coming... a-coming down the road,
Personal...personal revolution,
(fade)

Whatever

Hi all

In previous posts I am trying to figure out my calling. Recently I have observed that my calling doesn't matter as long as I am His. What I mean is if He asks me to do something I want to obey no matter what the task. Like a slave is subject to her master so I am subject to my Lord. I have given my life away including my time, my plans, my thoughts, my dreams, so I am not my own in any way. Luke chapter seven starting in verse thirty seven tells us about a sinful woman who bows her head at the feet of Jesus. The woman weeps and kisses His feet then wipes them with her hair. I often feel like I imagine that woman felt. So guilty and ashamed the only sensible thing is to so humble myself, I dare not open my mouth for I know He knows all the sins I have committed. I weep for I know I deserve death. I gratefully lay my life down before my Master and I kiss His feet in humble submissive surrender. In a way, I am begging forgiveness from the only One who has the power to forgive me. He tells me my sins are forgiven. I feel like David felt in Psalm 34 when he says, “I will bless the LORD at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth.” I look down at my ring on my left finger and I remember, like a wedding ring, I have promised my life to Christ and He is slowly teaching me what it means to be His devoted servant.

IT'S A WONDERFUL(ly hard) LIFE!

December 2013

“It's a beautiful thing to see through the eyes
Of pain and heartache laid into the night.
You run from the darkness in this life,
But if you turn around you'll find
A little bit of light - a little light.”

This is an excerpt from a song I grew up hearing – lyrics written by Keith Moore recorded by Phil Keaggy, Copyright 1998 Bridge Building Music, Inc.

 Sometimes I feel like I was meant   for greatness other times I feel the exact opposite.

 I was born with Ataxia-Telangiectasia (or A-T), a rare terminal disease with no cure that limits my abilities.  If you care to learn about it please visit www.atcp.org.

 Because I was born with A- T my life has been blessed in many ways.   For instance:   If I didn’t have A-T, I wouldn’t have known so many wonderful, amazing, and talented people.  Such as Brad Margus who founded the A-T Children’s Project. (See link above) A-T has connected me to many inspiring people including my friend Tim Borland, a man who performed an amazing feat which was documented by my friends Brad and Deb Carr (FEAT: 63 MARATHONS IN 63 DAYS). This resulted in much funding and awareness for my disease. Through the ATCP, I have met some of my most treasured friends.

 Because I have A-T, I have been blessed with a more intimate relationship with my Savior. Through this disease, God has taught me to accept and admit I need His help.  He has also taught me to trust and lean on Him. Because I am disabled, God has shown me His love through many other treasured friends He has given me at Joni and friends family retreat/camp. For more info please visit www.joniandfriends.org/family-retreats.

On occasion have met Joni Eareckson Tada, an incredible woman of faith God has used to touch lives all over the world.  She helped inspire me to live me to live by faith through tremendous difficulty.  It was through Joni and friends camp that I heard of Nick Vujicic, an awesome man of faith who helped inspire me to write this blog.

A-T has become God’s miraculous restraint on my life because if I wasn’t born with A-T I might have not known my Lord.  That is a terrifying thought because without Him all is lost and hopeless. The thought of being without Him gives me shivers and is loathsome to talk about.  By giving me A-T God has kept me from living in darkness. 

 If I hadn't been born with A-T I could have done something great in the world’s eyes. Like be an Olympic gold medalist or a prima ballerina or even an actress. But it all would be meaningless without the Lord.  I think one of the greatest things that happened to me is God’s gift of A-T.  I don’t need to become great, I am great in the Lord’s eyes.  though it might not seem so at times, truly it is a wonderful life with A-T.

Aslan’s Eyes

I know its Fathers Day, but instead of giving praise to my adored earthly father I will exalt my glorious heavenly One.   This afternoon when we were home for the day, I took a nap. It happens often when I awake my mind goes like a mile a minute and it doesn’t seem to shut up.  This time as I awoke I thought  of the many places I would like to go/explore/observe and things I would like to see. I thought of being closer to my Savior because I sometimes doubt  my salvation. Before we got home, my mom read to us from a book by Joe Rigney called Live Like A Narnian, so that was in my mind also. I was thinking of how I was tired of living like every day is a struggle and just wanting to go home to heaven. I was thinking how I might like to visit a castle or a palace in England and I started crying because I know I will probably never make it to England. I prayed that God would draw me closer and I thought if God could just take me home I could see His palace. My tears turned into sobs at that point. I bit my lip to keep silent and try to stop sobbing. For those who haven’t been to my house, my room is painted like a forest and I have a big Aslan plushy on the ledge above my closet. My eyes rested on his face and particularly his eyes and I imagined I was in Narnia and Aslan was standing over me, gazing intently into my eyes and I was perfectly still. In that moment I didn’t care whether he would bite my head off, just knowing Aslan or my God was right there above me and I was still, calm in the knowledge that I was His. I stopped sobbing and lay there staring into his face for the longest time and I was at peace.  Thank God He is always there and I am His!

conclusion

Now that I have that figured out, I want to make sure I have the right heart to serve my Master. It’s hard to submit to His will and purpose every day, especially when He gave me A-T to deal with.  I should be grateful and rejoice that I am alive, not complain about my circumstances.  I should be thanking Him for each day He has given me.  So to anyone who reads my silly blog, I ask for your prayer that God grants me the heart of His servant every day.   

Duhh!!

Duhh! I feel so stupid sometimes! I rediscovered God’s plan for my life. Here I was, trying desperately to find something colossal to do for Him and He’s telling me to trust Him, be still, put all your ambitions aside, and hang in there! What I have known all along and have been afraid to realize is He wants me right here, living in Wheatland with this abomination of a disease and having the courage to reach out to others in need. That’s SO not what I wanted! It is His will and I want His will. It’s like I have been fighting with Him all this time and He finally got through to my soul. To catch my drift, I think my struggle with Him is best described in this song by Tenth Avenue North called “By My Side”.

Why are you striving these days? 
Why are you trying to earn grace? 
Why are you crying? 
Let me lift up your face 
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love? 
Why are you still searching? 
As if I'm not enough? 
To where will you go child, 
Tell me where will you run? 
To where will you run?

Chorus:
Cause I'll be by your side wherever you fall 
In the dead of night whenever you call 
Please don't fight these hands that are holding you 
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands, at my side 
They swallowed the grave, on that night 
When I drank the world's sin 
So I could carry you in 
And give you life

Chorus:

Here at my side wherever you fall 
In the dead of night whenever you call 
Please don't fight these hands that are holding you 
My hands are holding you 
And I, I love you 
And I want you to know 
That I, I'll love you

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdjRmM0Q0qs