Duhh!!

Duhh! I feel so stupid sometimes! I rediscovered God’s plan for my life. Here I was, trying desperately to find something colossal to do for Him and He’s telling me to trust Him, be still, put all your ambitions aside, and hang in there! What I have known all along and have been afraid to realize is He wants me right here, living in Wheatland with this abomination of a disease and having the courage to reach out to others in need. That’s SO not what I wanted! It is His will and I want His will. It’s like I have been fighting with Him all this time and He finally got through to my soul. To catch my drift, I think my struggle with Him is best described in this song by Tenth Avenue North called “By My Side”.

Why are you striving these days? 
Why are you trying to earn grace? 
Why are you crying? 
Let me lift up your face 
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love? 
Why are you still searching? 
As if I'm not enough? 
To where will you go child, 
Tell me where will you run? 
To where will you run?

Chorus:
Cause I'll be by your side wherever you fall 
In the dead of night whenever you call 
Please don't fight these hands that are holding you 
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands, at my side 
They swallowed the grave, on that night 
When I drank the world's sin 
So I could carry you in 
And give you life

Chorus:

Here at my side wherever you fall 
In the dead of night whenever you call 
Please don't fight these hands that are holding you 
My hands are holding you 
And I, I love you 
And I want you to know 
That I, I'll love you

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdjRmM0Q0qs  

Go Figure

I finally figured out my calling. Even though I might not be called to travel :( I believe that I was born to serve the Lord by serving others.  
John 13:14 “ If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet.”
 Matthew 25:37-40 Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’
These passages of scripture make it clear to me this is what He wants me to do wherever He wants me. I think I have always known I just needed Him to reveal it to me. In Genesis 4:7 Jesus says if you do well your countenance will be lifted. It is a joy for me to serve others; it gives me purpose and peace of mind.  Knowing, following and serving my Master gets my focus off myself.

On a Mission?

Most people don’t know this about me but I can’t hide it any longer. I have always wanted to go on a mission trip. I want to do more ministry. Blogging is a ministry to me, but it isn’t enough. It is like it says in Genesis about Cain giving what he wanted to the Lord instead of what the Lord wanted him to give. I want to blog—I enjoy it. In my first post I told you I was blogging for ministry purposes. That is true. But I feel like it is not enough. I feel like the Lord wants me to do more than I already do.

I keep going back in my mind to some song lyrics from Beauty and the Beast. In “Be Our Guest”, it says,

“…Life is so unnerving for a servant who’s not serving. He's not whole without a soul to wait upon. Ah, those good ol' days, when we were useful! Suddenly, those good ol' days are gone. Ten years we’ve been rusting, needing so much more than dusting, needing exercise—a chance to use our skills…”

That is so true for me. I feel stagnant, like I am not serving.

In some ways, I almost feel like I am running from God like Jonah. I have been scared to face what the Lord wants me to do, not that I know exactly what it is. But maybe I wasn't willing? Now, in the belly of Wheatland, I want nothing more than to travel. There are so many places I would like to go, but I do not know where the Lord wants me. I am still scared, but I want to obey. I would even go overseas if I had to. Going to a different country sounds interesting and adventurous. It sounds so much fun to learn a different culture.

It seems not too long ago my father was a missionary to Russia. I always wanted to go there, but it seemed like a place that wasn't really accessible. How could I be there? Where would I stay? When my father was there, he would tell the Russian Christians about me and they prayed for me. Because of this, I have friends in Russia who I haven't even met in person. I am friends with people like Svetlana who was a Russian translator. She came to my 21^st birthday ball. She worked with my grandfather before he passed away when my grandfather and father taught in the churches in many different places in Russia. Some of the Russian people used to send gifts back to me with my father and now I support a boy in Russia through World Help.

Wherever the Lord tells me to go, I will be glad to follow. I feel like I would be happier in Jesus if I were able to better serve Him. I feel like I am meant for this. I pray that He will give me an opportunity?

Of Hearts and Rings

Sometimes Disney makes me mad. One major theme in the Disney world is “follow your heart”. They make that seem like it’s the best thing for you to just believe in yourself and trust your heart to guide you to every happiness. In reality, that belief is pathetic and depressing. Here's why: the Bible says in Jeremiah 17:5-10,

Thus says the Lord:
Cursed is the man who trusts in man
and makes flesh his strength,
whose heart turns away from the Lord.
He is like a shrub in the desert,
and shall not see any good come.
He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness,
in an uninhabited salt land.
Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
whose trust is the Lord.
He is like a tree planted by water,
that sends out its roots by the stream,
and does not fear when heat comes,
for its leaves remain green,
and is not anxious in the year of drought,
for it does not cease to bear fruit.
The heart is deceitful above all things,
and desperately sick;
who can understand it?
I the Lord search the heart
and test the mind,
to give every man according to his ways,
according to the fruit of his deeds.

The point behind these verses is this: the person who trusts in himself is headed for miserable failure, but the person who trusts in the Lord will be blessed!

As a teenager I knew that the Bible said that following your heart was the wrong path, but I wanted to prove to myself and others that I knew the truth and trusted the Lord with my heart. So here is what happened to remind me to trust in Him. When I was 17 years old my parents graciously bought me a ring—not just any ring, but a bride of Christ ring. Maybe you have heard of it? It’s almost like an engagement ring. To me, it’s like pledging my life away to Jesus as if I am a bride of Christ. It is proof of His love for me and my dedication and love for Him. It is also a great reminder that my heart and future are safely in His hands. If I ever worry, I remember my ring and I am at peace, or should be!

We're all tempted to trust in ourselves at times. But we need to remind ourselves to trust in the Lord and whatever happens is in His loving hands.

high school

Hi,    Back 2009 when I graduated high school I wrote a booklet titled “Me and A-T” here is what I wrote:

Imagine the grace, agility, strength, skill, and dedication of a ballerina, gymnast, or figure skater. These were my ambitions once, my hopes and plans, my desires, my passions, my dreams—until a very rare disease took control of my body and robbed me of the abilities I needed to pursue my agenda.

I now know I will never have those talents like I hoped for then, but my dreams are not dead. I hold them in my heart and wait for the day I will dance before the throne of God...

I was born in Pasadena, California, on July 1, 1991. I remember our home there—the grape vines in the back yard, the summer heat, the playhouse, and my swing.

My dad was the Associate Pastor at the church we were attending. My parents are Christians. They believe Jesus was sent down from His throne in heaven by God His Father to die a horrible death on the cross in our place. He did this so that we might live through Him. This happened according to the will of God. We are all sinners condemned to die. But through Jesus’ death and resurrection, we are given forgiveness and eternal life.

I was raised in this atmosphere. My mom said that I asked the Lord Jesus to be my Savior when I was only 3 years old. I am sure I didn’t understand it all then. I just thought receiving Jesus was what I needed to do in order to live and not die. I really had no idea what I was getting into.

Now I have come to see my faith in Jesus as a way of life. There have been times when I felt like I needed to recommit my self to Christ. As I did, He placed in my heart a sense of assurance and peace because I know I am His child and I belong to Him.

In 1995, my dad got a phone call from my Grandpa who was also a pastor of a church in Gilroy. He asked my dad to move north and plant a church in the nearby town of Hollister. Dad gladly accepted and right when I turned four we moved to our new home.

I was very involved in my church. It was expected of me as the pastor’s youngest daughter. I made many friends that I hold dear to this day. In fact I knew no social life outside my church.

I took lots of dance and piano lessons. I wanted to be a famous ballerina when I grew up.

To me life seemed to be going smoothly until I was 8 years old. My parents, though, were convinced something wasn’t right. I always had difficulty balancing; they hoped I would grow out of it, but I was steadily getting worse.

I started having trouble with school more than ever. I was unable to remember facts I had already learned. I often staggered as if I were drunk. Something was desperately wrong.

After numerous doctor visits and blood tests we learned that I had a disease called A-T. It is a rare but deadly disease which has no cure. I was in tears when I found out; my dreams of dancing were darkened—but I had the love of God, family and friends. Who could ask for more?

Not long after my diagnosis my family and I headed for Johns-Hopkins Medical Clinic in Baltimore, Maryland, to find out more about A-T. While we were at the hospital we discovered a number of problems attached to this disease. For example, I aspirate liquids when I drink. I need larger prints to help me read. I need a special keyboard to help me type and a walker to help me walk—and now a wheelchair.

Why me? I don‘t know all the answers, but this I do know: it was God’s will. He planned it.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:1

He wanted this to happen for His own purposes. I love Him and trust Him.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28

He has proven His love for me. I have peace of heart and of mind knowing these things to be true. I know because He has shown me the truth through His word.

God is not unfair. He’s compassionate and merciful and full of grace. He gives in abundance. If He were “fair” all mankind would deserve to be destroyed because of sin.

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23

“For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:23

After we were finally done with visiting Johns Hopkins, we went to Washington D.C. We got a tour of the capital from our congressman. We saw the White House—I even rode in the President’s private elevator because my wheelchair couldn’t go up the stairs!—we saw the Lincoln Memorial, the Washington Monument, and more. Then we drove to Philadelphia and saw Independence Hall, The Declaration of Independence, and the Liberty Bell.

After all the bad news about my disease, our fun trip to D.C. and Philadelphia was a welcome relief.

December 1^st came and brought joyful tidings in a new way. We received a special offer for all elderly and disabled—10% off Christmas shopping at Target. The eighth grade class at Hollister’s Southside school would help customers shop and wrap their gifts. They even had a bell choir to entertain the shoppers. When my Dad and I went that day, the class practically adopted me.

We were invited to attend their Christmas play dress rehearsal. We enjoyed the show, and afterwards, we went to their class room with them. They asked about my disease and wondered how I could be so happy in my circumstances. My dad shared with them how I knew I was saved—how by God’s grace I will live forever. In His heavenly kingdom I will worship Him in a new and perfect body.

That same December I had surgery that saved my life. I had a feeding tube installed because I was so malnourished. The doctors had said I was a “failure to thrive.” The surgery gave me a way to have liquids and nutrients without swallowing.

It has lengthened my life—but I am still going to die soon. I know that. I don’t look forward to death, but I am looking forward to heaven with all my heart.

We were at the church in Hollister for years until the day my dad resigned as pastor. He found a job as a music Teacher at the high school in Wheatland, California.

Only God knows how hard that was for us. I had to move during my senior year of high school from the town in which I was raised. It was hard leaving my friends, and it has been just as hard finding new friends in my new town.

But I’ll stay where the Lord has put me. Who knows what will happen?

The rest is still unwritten.

A lot has happened since then but the future’s still unwritten.

Nice to Meet You!

Salutations everyone. Welcome to Ryn’s Reality and happy New Year! 

For those who don’t know me, I am Cathryn Achilles, adopted daughter and bond slave to the Lord Jesus Christ my Savior. He has made me with an awful, fatal, rare disease, one without a cure, called Ataxia-Telangiectasia (or "A-T") for His great purpose that I cannot comprehend. I have surrendered my life, mind, body, heart and soul to His great plans and purposes. Therefore I have peace.

So you are probably wondering why I decided to write this blog? I was inspired by Nick Vujucic through his book, Unstoppable: The Incredible Power of Faith in Action. In his book, Nick was talking about his job and I thought, being without a job, if I had a job I would want a job like Nick Vujucic's or Joni Eareckson Tada's. I thought, how can I best be heard? I am afraid of public speaking and my wheelchair kind of limits me from much traveling. I decided to speak through the internet. 

I created this blog so I can share how my life really is and what joy I have found in Jesus. I pray that my words do not offend anyone. I am what I am and I am not ashamed.

Thank you for reading! Drop by my blog anytime.